Have you ever applied your coaching skills when engaging with people who are far from God?

When you give attention to the most casual conversations, it’s amazing what can emerge when you approach others with curiosity and a desire to learn about them.

A few years ago, we had our neighbors over for dinner. They were a young couple who were in the very beginning stages of starting their family. They had a lot of tattoos on their arms, and our conversation naturally evolved to the meaning and purpose behind the symbols they had chosen. Near the end of the evening, I noticed that on the wife’s hand was a pyramid with an eye in the middle. I imagined there was a good story behind that one so I asked her what it means (I was genuinely curious). Without going into detail, the story involved a spiritual experience that had changed her life. This opened further conversations about their belief system and worldview.

It would have been easy for me to react or attempt to deconstruct the narrative our new friends had created around the meaning and symbolism of her tattoo. The fact remains, their story is their story. It is poor coaching to hijack someone’s story and critique it–or worse, discount it. Later, we learned that they had an interest in learning about the biblical narrative of creation through Jordan Peterson (who has recently caught the imagination of many). They were on a quest to find meaning and significance in their life, and we were simply observers along for the ride.

As a coach, how do you remain inquisitive, receptive to change, and committed to growth?

This is how I define those ideas:

  • Inquisitive: curious to learn about the other person 
  • Receptive to change: willing to adjust to the needs of the person
  • Committed to growth: help the person take a step on their discipleship journey

It’s important to be aware of how we either help or deter a person as they explore spiritual matters. The following are 10 ways to help you stay in that space:

  1. Be intentional and approach each conversation with an open mind
  2. Be careful not to judge
  3. Be wise in the words you use
  4. Be quick to listen and slow to anger
  5. Be mindful to respond and not react
  6. Be considerate
  7. Be patient
  8. Be willing to listen even when you disagree
  9. Be helpful by summarizing what you hear people say
  10. Be energetic

In summary, a coachable coach is inquisitive, receptive to change, and committed to growth.  Conversely, an uncoachable coach is unwilling to learn, resistant to change, and comfortable with the status quo.

  1. Where do you land?
  2. Are you a coachable coach?
  3. Do you take the necessary steps to slow down, engage, and truly listen to be inquisitive, receptive to change, and committed to growth?

30-day Challenge:

Put the three traits of a coachable person into practice. In your next conversation with a person far from God, see if you can remain inquisitive, receptive to change, and committed to growth. Then, reflect on the difference this makes with the people you engage with in comparison to how you have engaged people in the past.



Photo by Tim Samuel from Pexels


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