Five shifts to empower your teenagers to become self-led adults Shift #1 – Talker to Listener

Five shifts to empower your teenagers to become self-led adults Shift #1 – Talker to Listener

We are fast approaching the Fall. Some parents are dreading the upcoming school year. Others are relieved. Not too long ago we were parenting our two high school age children through this exciting phase in their development. Today our children are in their early to mid-twenties and together, we have grown into new ways of communicating – both parents and young adults.  

I will share five shifts we made when we encountered these dynamic years with our two children.  Right off the top; I am not an expert in parenting. But I have learned a thing or two about coaching and helping people take action towards the direction God has designed for them in life and ministry. Second, these five shifts are not limited to parenting. They relate to working with teenagers in youth groups or wherever you’re connecting with people in meaningful ways to help them take the next step on their journey to follow Jesus’ mission for their life. I found that I had a multitude of examples of these shifts while empowering my teenagers to become self-led adults. 

Shift #1 – Talker to Listener

One of the things we did very early with our kids was introduce the idea of internships.  Whatever their interests were, we connected them with people we knew and respected in that particular field.  We had both kids in summer internships by the time they entered high school.  This was important for their development because it gave them a sense of responsibility, curiosity and confidence.

To learn about the kids’ interests, we had to be disciplined in our interactions. We forced ourselves not to react when we heard “surprising” developments about what they experienced at school that day with a classmate, or what a teacher said that might have been taken out of context or the latest slang terminology. Instead of reacting we responded with – “tell me more?”  Sounds simple. And it is in theory. Try it next time you interact with your teenager.

Our eldest was interested in finance. His first internship was with a real estate broker. The broker saw that our son was a fast learner. By the end of that summer our son had processed the paper-work for a $1million loan (under the watchful eye of the broker).  What did this do for our son?  He discovered certain parts of the job he enjoyed, others he did not enjoy as much and still others that were necessary but not his passion.  

Our youngest wanted to work in a pediatric physical therapy clinic. The children were on a spectrum of mild to severe disabilities. As a young teen, my daughter supported the work of the therapists, and interacted with the patients and parents. Similar to our son, she learned a number of lessons that she stored in her memory banks for her future schooling and career choices.

Bottom line! To get the kids to the place from the conception of an internship it began with a curiosity in the work, which progressed to an interest to the point of taking action. These steps were all necessary and important to enter into a work environment as an intern. Our part – listen to the processing they were going through in their heads until they came to a point of taking action.  

Here is a simple framework that helps breakdown Shift #1 – Talker to Listener.

Assume a Listening Posture

Key Question: How can I ignore my tendency to share my wisdom and seek to listen?

 Mini-Shifts:

  •       Take the posture of a learner

o   A coach must believe that they don’t know it all.

  •       Remain silent

o   Stay in a quiet place while your son or daughter processes what they sense the Holy Spirit is saying to them.

  •       Be patient

o   Actively remain in a non-anxious state

 Real – time Actions:

  •       Summarize

o   Without contaminating what your son or daughter is processing

  •       Ask the other person “Is there more?”

o   No other question is needed at this time


Following are two opportunities that can help you refine your disciple-coach skills!

5 Disciple Coach Habits webinar – Monday, October 11 from 10-3 PST

CLICK HERE

Cost: $250.00

The full package includes the webinar AND triad sessions:

CLICK HERE

Cost: $475.00

5 Disciple Coach Habits

5 Disciple Coach Habits

If you are one of our followers who has taken the Disciple Coach Quiz, processed the results with us and passed it along to your own disciples, you might be wondering what you can do next. How can you utilize your Quiz results even further? Discipleship is a life-long journey, and wherever you are on that path, there is always a next step; a way to grow and bear more fruit, a way to deepen your relationship with God and others.

If you still haven’t taken our FREE Disciple Coach Quiz, CLICK HERE.

For those who are looking for a next step, we are offering a webinar on the 5 habits of a Disciple Coach. This webinar, like our inaugural webinar in November 2020, will be led by InFocus’s Executive Director, Gary Reinecke, and long-time InFocus partner Micah Dodson. This webinar is a great way to follow up on your newfound insights after you have taken the quiz and can help further deepen your understanding of Discipleship and hone in on the habits of a Disciple Coach. We will help you clarify your missional values, activate prayer, make relational connections and strategic partnerships, while learning how to create your own  Disciple making Cycle. 

Check out the 5 Disciple Coach Habits training coming up October 11 – CLICK HERE!

In addition to the 5-hour webinar, we are also offering personal triad sessions following the webinar. In these sessions Gary or Micah will work closely with you and another Disciple Coach on your team, processing the webinar, working through your personal strengths and weaknesses, and discover your own unique and most effective way of making disciples. These five sessions of fifty-five minutes will help you to develop yourself and the future leaders around you!

5 Disciple Coach Habits webinar – Monday, October 11 from 10-3 PST

CLICK HERE

Cost: $250.00

The full package includes the webinar AND triad sessions:

CLICK HERE

Cost: $475.00

 

8 QUESTIONS TO FOSTER ACCOUNTABILTY AS A DISCIPLE COACH

8 QUESTIONS TO FOSTER ACCOUNTABILTY AS A DISCIPLE COACH

God has given us a personal mission to make disciple in our life in our own unique way, however… we don’t need to tackle that mission on our own! The Lord created us to be relational beings. We are meant to help each other strengthen our faith and grow as people. We need each other, especially when it comes to working through our mission. Partnerships keep us on the paths we’re meant to be, pursuing the mission that God gave us. When alone, it is easy to wander and to get distracted or discouraged.

Jesus understood the importance of working with others. He sent His disciples out in pairs to minister together, and encouraged them to debrief their experience when they returned. Jesus understood the importance of learning through experience, obedience and accountability, and knew they needed to learn to rely on each other because he wouldn’t be with them forever. Jesus trusted that they had what they needed to further the mission to make more and better disciples: strategic partnerships with one another and the Holy Spirit. Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” We can, and should, rely on each other, trust each other and grow together.

Accountability is essential in making and coaching disciples, and strategic partnerships answer the question: “Who will help me stay on mission?” Finding others around you who are making and coaching disciples as well, can help. Like the original disciples, having a partner to debrief experiences, discuss struggles and, most importantly, hold each other accountable. These relationships provide accountability, with grace, to the important actions that will support the newest disciples on their spiritual journey. Accountability helps the disciple coach keep the main thing the main thing, learn from real experience and stay in motion.

There are many ways to practice accountability. You can practice on your own (a great skill to build, but the hardest to hold yourself to), with a coach and with God.

  1. Accountability with yourself
    • How am I prioritizing life events as a disciple coach?
    • What am I not doing that I know I should be doing?
  2.  Accountability with a partner
    • What do you do to process missed opportunities as a disciple coach?
    • How do you celebrate your progress when you act as a disciple coach?
    • What do you do to process setbacks with a disciple when their good intentions don’t    produce the intended fruit?
    • What progress are you observing with the disciples you are coaching on a monthly, quarterly, and annual basis?
  3. Accountability with God
    • What are you learning about God?
    • How do you know when you are doing the things God has called you to do as a disciple coach?

If you still haven’t taken our FREE Disciple Coach Quiz, CLICK HERE.

Check out the 5 Disciple Coach Habits training coming up October 11 – CLICK HERE!

6 QUESTIONS TO REIMAGINE YOUR DISCIPLE MAKING CYCLE

6 QUESTIONS TO REIMAGINE YOUR DISCIPLE MAKING CYCLE

In Jesus’ ministry, he always met people where they were on their journey towards the Lord. Look at the disciples; before He asked his disciples to follow Him, each disciple was at a different place in their lives and their faith… wherever they were, that is exactly where Jesus started discipling them. He began the discipleship process before they were even aware of it; in the harvest. 

We all have our own story of how we came to follow Jesus, and we will have taken different paths to reach where we are today. All our journeys are unique to who God designed us to be; but there are certain critical elements that are always the same in the process; that is the discipleship cycle. We can see clearly that Jesus had a method in his mission to make disciples:

  • STEP 1 – “I do – you watch.”
  • STEP 2 – “You do – I watch.”
  • STEP 3 – “You do – someone else watches.”

Jesus used this simple method to make disciples who made disciples. He understood that everything He did was reproduced in the lives of His disciples from the day he met them. Jesus’ mission was to catalyze disciple making movements through his disciples. He modeled the inner work of being a disciple and the outer work of making disciples. This cycle is the key to multiplying the Kingdom of God. It means we are making disciples that will make disciples, who will make more disciples. 

Real-life Journey

My friend Glenn shared the following about his journey:

I have several friends that I consider to be accountability partners. They help me grow in my faith and hold myself to the standards that God would want of me. We spend a lot of our focus on discipleship and how to become better disciple coaches. As I became more aware of, and committed to, developing relationships with people who don’t yet have a spiritual connection with Christ, we were thrilled to see people growing in faith and being added to our discipleship group. It was exciting to see this progress, yet although this process was reproducible, our efforts were only additive. We shifted our approach to the framework of a “cycle” and are now seeing our efforts multiply. For example, one of our initial group members is branching out to start a Hispanic discipleship team, reaching a group of people that would be almost impossible for me to reach. It is exciting to see where the multiplication effect takes us next!

Reflection Questions: 

  1. Who have you shared your disciple-making cycle with in the last 90 days?
  2. If you haven’t shared your disciple-making cycle recently, what is getting in the way?
  3. What changes do you need to make to your disciple-making cycle?
  4. How transferable is your discipleship cycle?
  5. Who have you discipled that is using your cycle with other disciple coaches?
  6. What elements need to be refined further or added to make your cycle more transferable?

If you still haven’t taken our FREE Disciple Coach Quiz, CLICK HERE.

Check out the 5 Disciple Coach Habits training coming up October 11 – CLICK HERE!