Five Shifts to Become a Better Coach: Talker to Thinker

Five Shifts to Become a Better Coach: Talker to Thinker

Do people know you as empathetic and caring? Do they feel they are being heard? Do people under your leadership honestly believe you are a great listener? 

Empathy doesn’t come easy to all of us – but there is good news! I want to share a simple shift you can make to become more intentional and effective in your community. Let’s talk about what it takes to move from being a talker to a listener and how to integrate that with a spiritual foundation that empowers you and the people you coach to abide in Christ.

Most leaders natural tendency is to talk rather than listen. As a leader, it can be tempting to always provide an answer, to fill silence with advice or stories, or share every drop of wisdom that has been gained through years of experience. However, as much as new disciples and emerging leaders learn through your experience, they will learn much more through their own experience. Of course, part of being a leader is explaining, sharing and advising, but the best leaders coach people they are developing by  spending more time listening than they do speaking. 

Goal: To help leaders stop speaking and begin to listen. 

Why is it important to listen? 

  • You can only understand the needs of the disciples or leaders you are coaching by creating the space that allows them to share their struggles, ask questions, and process their thoughts/emotions 
  • You create trust by refraining from instructing, judging, or offering advice, and allow the disciples and leaders you are coaching more agency to make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes. 
  • You empower the disciples and leaders you are developing to become better listeners themselves through your example. 
  • You create the space that allows your disciples to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit more clearly and rely on God’s direction. 
  • You talking gives opportunity for the disciples and leaders you are developing to  “tune-out”
  • You listening redirects the focus from yourself and puts the focus on the other person and ultimately, God!

(c) Gary B Reinecke, 2023 – for use with permission only

3 Mini-shifts to become a better listener:

  • Take the posture of a learner. You must believe that God speaks to the disciples and leaders you coach just as He does to you. 
  • Remain silent. Challenge the disciples and leaders you coach to push their thoughts further by inviting the Holy Spirit to speak. 
  • Be patient. Give the disciples and leaders you coach time to form their own opinions and to arrive at the place God wants to take them.

Real-Time Actions:

  • Summarize. Without interrupting, reiterate the main points of what your disciple has said back to them. This lets them know you understand them and gives them the opportunity to correct you and explain themselves in more depth.
  • Ask the disciple, “Is there more?” After a person shares their thoughts out loud on an issue, see if there is more that they need to process.

Take a moment to reflect on this shift from talking to listening. What new insights do you have about yourself as a coach? 

Reflection Questions: 

  • Do I speak more or listen more? 
  • Do my disciples feel heard by me? 
  • What would my disciple want me to ask them? 

Key Question: How can I ignore my tendency to share my wisdom and seek to listen?

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The Five Steps of Leadership Development

The Five Steps of Leadership Development

Why Coaching?

Guiding someone on their discipleship journey or developing another individual as a leader are opportunities to use basic coaching tools like asking questions, listening, and focusing. Coaching can help people advance and accelerate their development. 

What does Scripture say about coaching?

Ephesians 4:11-12 has a lot to say about coaching! Coaching is a subset of equipping people that bleeds throughout the empowerment process. Think about the processes through which you take a new leader of a small group. If you broke down your equipping process, would it look something like the following?

  • Orientation – discuss the why, what, and how to understand the essentials of leading a small group
  • Apprenticeship – experience a small group while working alongside a small group leader
  • Just-in-Time Training – an apprentice learns the necessary skills by building confidence through on-the-job training
  • Empowerment – less direct supervision becomes less and less important

For maximum impact throughout the equipping process above, a supportive relationship with a coach is absolutely necessary. The trainer might also serve as the coach – however, one without the other is not going to empower the new small group leader. And the more the trainer can lean into a coach approach in their role of trainer, the greater the impact!

Five coaching steps for developing a leader

1. I do. You watch. We talk.

In this leadership development process, I act as the coach and “Jason” acts as the apprentice. The first time we meet, I tell Jason to simply come to small group with me. I will lead the group, and all Jason has to do that first week is just watch me–see how I interact, what I say, what I do, how I lead the material. Then Jason and I are going to talk after that group is done. Maybe it’s a Wednesday night after the kids are in bed, and we go up to the local coffee shop for an hour. 

2. I do. You help. We talk.

In the second step, I’m going to do, Jason is going to help, and we’re still going to talk. In that next small group (or maybe just a couple weeks later),  Jason is going to lead the prayer time and gather the prayer requests. I’m going to make sure that Jason and I meet that week and talk about it. This is Jason’s opportunity to process what he’s learning about leading the group, leading the material, and so on. Leaders are available to and for each other, so for whatever is on his heart or what he’s challenged with, I’m available to him.

Coaching is a subset of equipping that bleeds throughout the empowerment process

3. You do. I help. We talk.

In the third step, Jason does, I help him, and we talk. You see how it’s just starting to switch on us? As time goes on, he’s taking more and more of the responsibility for the group. 

4. You do. I watch. We talk.

In the fourth step, Jason does everything, and I simply watch. And don’t worry – I’ve got his back because I want Jason to succeed. Leaders invest in other people. We want other leaders to win. And we still talk afterward. Never forget that part. It’s really important because leaders are often made over a coffee table.

5. You do. Someone else watches.

Then in the last step, Jason does. But now, he’s the mentor and he has his own apprentice, and the cycle continues on from there.

So what’s the time frame for each of these five steps? It could be as little as a week or as much as a month or more. It’s all about how fast the leader develops, and that process will be unique to each person. 

The Five Steps of Leadership Development is a simple but effective tool that doesn’t overcomplicate leadership development

NOTE: I borrowed The 5 Steps of Leadership Development from Patrick O’Connell who is the Director of NewThing.  He presented the 5 steps in a very clear and helpful manner.  Thank you Patrick.. 

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Level Up to Transformational Learning

Level Up to Transformational Learning

First posted at Christian Coaching Tools on July 20, 2023

The ultimate goal of coaching is to help clients change their lives for the better and grow their ministries. We want to help them discover a path that will take them closer and closer to their goals, personal growth and transformational learning. This process begins with a conversation, and it ends with action being taken. Christian Coaching Essentials (the book I co-wrote with Bob Logan) says, “Through increasingly focused questions, the coaching process moves a person from simply talking about life or ministry issues to actually doing something (Essentials p. 34).”   

From rehearsing the story to reflection

This first step begins with the client sharing a story about their life; something that happens all the time. As a coach, you asked questions pushing them and spurring them to think deeper about this story and why they did what they did, or felt what they felt. By the end of the conversation, they will have gained new insight into themselves through this reflection.

For example: you are working with a young man who has enjoyed fruitful years of ministry.. However, over the course of several conversations, he begins to realize that he can be a more effective disciple of Christ in a role where he has the freedom to connect with people far from God as they go about their work and lives. 

Questions for rehearsing to reflection:

  • What did this conversation reveal to you?
  • How has your curiosity been sparked?
  • What are you sensing the Holy Spirit wants you to explore further? 

From reflection to action

Reflection is so helpful, but not worth much if it is not used to make positive changes! The next step is to take the information the client has gathered about themselves from the reflection, and take action. 

For example: the young man decides to leave his position in a vocational ministry role and begin his own house-painting business. He employed young adults; this gave him opportunities to connect with them he wouldn’t have in a local church setting.

Questions for reflection to action:

  • What would you like your impact to be?
  • How can you create an environment where that is possible? – What is your next step? 

From Action to Transformational Learning

The final step is coming together again to discuss the results of the action. Once more, this step revolves around conversation and you asking probing and thoughtful questions. The goal is to use the results to help your client understand their growth and see the transformation that has taken place. 

For example: The young man’s business begins to take off. He is able to hire more employees in the area. He is even able to donate money back to his old ministry, as well as leading some of the young adults to take interest in the ministry’s work.

Questions for Action to Transformational Learning:

  • How has this experience challenged your thinking?
  • What do you need to change moving forward?
  • What insights do you have about your leadership? 

4 Benefits to the Client

1. Self-discovery

Guiding people through the reflection sequence allows them to come to their own conclusions. A-ha moments are far more powerful than simply telling a person what they need to do

2. Slow down to go fast

Life in real time rarely leaves space for deeper reflection and learning. The result is repeating the same mistakes. Helping your client to see the story frame by frame leads to greater awareness and effectiveness in future projects. 

3. Prescriptive vs. Descriptive 

Steps and pathways to growth are great—unless they don’t have an onramp where your client needs one or they are forcing the client to go in unnecessary directions. Prescriptive formulas don’t always fit the context. Instead, taking on a strategic role in a creative process allows your client to describe and process their own experiences, which leads to powerful insights. 

4. Surfaces values

Processing conversations gives clients the opportunity to allow values to percolate to the surface. When a client has clearly defined values, they are able to make decisions with greater confidence. 

It is so clear how this young man used each step of the sequence to great effect.  He was given permission to reflect.  To advance his thinking from reflection into action.  And then from action into a plan for transformational learning that will change the trajectory of his own life and of those around him. This is a process that will push clients to think deeper, ask more questions, develop a strong vision and take action. Ultimately, this process produces results! 

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How Jesus Engaged People in their Spiritual Journey

How Jesus Engaged People in their Spiritual Journey

What can you learn from the way Jesus made disciples?

The Jesus way to make disciples always leads to “transformation”. Man and woman were created with a spirit. Jesus understood how the spirit interacts with the mind, and the mind with the body, the body with the social dimension and how these aspects were encapsulated with the  soul.  Dallas Willard created a helpful diagram to illustrate these elements. 

Three ways Jesus engaged people in their spiritual journey:

  1. Jesus used the miraculous to engage people in their spiritual journey.

Think of examples like the Woman at the Well (John 4).

  1. Jesus used stories to engage people through his teaching and preaching to engage people in their spiritual journey.

Think of examples like The Beatitudes (John 5:1-12).

  1. Jesus listened and asked people questions to engage people in their spiritual journey.

Think of examples like: “Who do you say I am?” (Matthew 16:15)

At the core, making disciples is a relational process, and relationships are built on conversation.   Discipleship conversations move the spiritual journey – either forward by building trust and challenging assumptions or backwards when a question is so powerful that it causes the disciple to “press pause” on their spiritual journey when they are unable or unwilling to follow Jesus. 

Take a moment to reflect on what it means to be a good listener and ask powerful questions, and consider ways to grow and improve.

Making Space

Making the time and space for disciple making relationships. You can intentionally create opportunities “as you go” about your life to allow for conversations of this variety. The opportunities are endless. The grocery store, gas pump or in more relaxed settings like a park or cafe. 

Listening Well

Listening well begins with respect and empathy for the other person. When engaging in a conversation, approach them with curiosity. An open mind. Hold onto your assumptions and judgements. Be aware of what your agenda is and lay it aside.  Be open to the Holy Spirit and His agenda for the other person. 

Tips:
1. Stop doing anything that distracts from the other person and the conversation. 
2. Switch attention to the needs and preoccupations of the other person.
3. Observe closely, listen carefully and be attentive to non-verbal cues.

Recently my wife and I were going out to dinner with another couple. They are people far from God. As we were taking a stroll before dinner, I remember the conscious shift I recognized I needed to take. I was overly focused on my needs in the moment and forgot about the bigger purpose for our night out together. Once I made the mental, emotional and spiritual shift – I was surprised what happened during our meal together.  Read more below…

Asking Questions 

Listening well is a crucial skill and lets the person you are speaking with know they are seen, safe and heard. You need to be aware of opportunities to ask questions, probing questions  to challenge.  Asking questions allows you to gently encourage exploration. Powerful, open-ended questions elicit thoughtful responses that can’t be answered with “yes” or “no”.

Continuing the story from above. During dinner I remembered the question the Holy Spirit had given me that morning to ask the couple. When I initially asked the question, everyone reacted with a verbal response like “Wow – that is a crazy fun question,” or something to that effect. The actual question is not important. But the reaction and ensuing conversation was amazing. By my estimation, that question opened up the relational flood gates and created a safe place to share personal thoughts to help us understand each other.

Tips:

1. Use follow-up questions
2. Leverage the power of the pause after asking a powerful question
3. Don’t interrupt

Reflection Questions:

  • How do you rate yourself as a listener?  How would your friends or spouse rate you?? 
  • How are you at asking questions?  What would your friends say?
  • What is the Holy Spirit showing you about how you relate to people?

Key Question: 

  • What changes do you need to make to be more effective at making disciples “as you go”?

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Discipleship Collective – 5 Habits to Make Disciples

Discipleship Collective – 5 Habits to Make Disciples

CLICK HERE

We asked this question a few years ago: What are the essential habits to be a disciple that makes disciples? 

From our understanding of Jesus’ ministry, observations from others who make reproducing disciples, and studying disciple making movements – these are the habits we landed on in response to that question:

  • Habit #1 – Missional Values – knowing and understanding your personal values and living them out through consistent behavior
  • Habit #2 – ACTIVE PRAYER – utilizing prayer as a critical key element in the disciple-making journey
  • Habit #3 – RELATIONAL CONNECTIONS – building strong and authentic relationships with both Christians and non-Christians in your community
  • Habit #4 – DISCIPLE MAKING CYCLE – creating intentional and enduring disciples who, in turn, create intentional and enduring disciples
  • Habit #5 – STRATEGIC PARTNERSHIPS – forging strategic partnerships to keep you on mission in your disciple-making journey

The Discipleship Collective is a learning community to support, nurture and coach disciples to make disciples makers.

Sharpen Your Discipleship Effectiveness

Finish 2023 strong with a commitment to sharpen your discipleship effectiveness. 

The first step is to identify your strengths and areas for development – there is no better tool for that than the Discipleship Quiz. Included in your report is a coaching guide with suggestions for the best resources to help you target growth in the identified areas. This assessment is truly the tool to take your disciple making to the next level.

“Gary Reinecke and the team from InFocus have created a crucial resource for leaders and churches who are serious about being with Jesus on His Mission. I highly recommend the Disciple Coach Quiz as a tool for shaping the future of your disciple making efforts. The five qualities it measures and the behavior it supports provide a solid foundation for helping people authentically follow Jesus.”

Steve Pike – President, Urban Islands Project

Harness the power of disciple making using a coach approach by enrolling in the Discipleship Collective. The Discipleship Collective is structured to maximize your growth and sharpen your effectiveness as a disciple maker. Collectives are limited to no more than 12 participants per session. Each session offers 10 hours of training including:  

  • 5 Habits of a Disciple Maker webinar – Monday, October 16, 2023 from 10-3 PST and 
  • 5 triad sessions – each lasting 55-minutes.

CLICK HERE

Who do you know that has a vision to make disciples?

Who do you know that is frustrated with their efforts?

Who do you know that lacks the support?

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Reconstructing Discipleship

Reconstructing Discipleship

This Sunday we celebrated the one-year anniversary at the church plant Gina, and my wife, and I have been serving. With one year behind us, the congregation has out-grown the space we launched in and to commemorate our first year, we launched a second service. The high point of the services was celebrating baptisms of new Jesus followers as they took this important step on their journey of faith. Two hundred fifty people now call The Refinery their church!

How do we define discipleship?  

Reflect on the different ways the term discipleship may be used in your ministry.  

  • Some might use the term to focus primarily on the spiritual development of new believers.  
  • Others will apply it in a more general way, to develop people in their specific area of ministry, like “discipling a small group leader”. 
  • And still others will use it in relation to a curriculum that is designed so that the student graduates from the course as a fully-devoted follower of Jesus.

While all of these might have their place, what observations do you have about these various interpretations?

One observation I have is that the way we use the word “discipleship” blurs the intent behind the term. When Jesus invites Peter and Andrew to “Follow me…”, Jesus is inviting them into an apprenticeship relationship with Him (Matthew 4:18-20).

Later in Matthew 28:18-29 at the commissioning of the disciples, Jesus is launching the disciples into their apostolic mission. After three intensive years of apprenticeship with his disciples, Jesus equipped them to make other disciples, baptizing and teaching them to obey God’s commands – love God, love your neighbor, and make disciples. He desired to shape their hearts to be aligned with the Father’s heart.  

What can we learn from the early church?

The emphasis in the early church was to help people understand the commitments new Jesus followers were making to follow Christ. Two activities they would participate in that would mark, remind, and renew their commitment of course, included baptism and the sacraments. Foundational disciplines of a local faith community that they celebrated corporately (small or large groups) that made them distinct from other institutions.

The early church had a period of instruction and preparation for baptism. The goal was so that people would count the cost before taking the step to baptism. 

I like the imagery that Colin Noyes provides in his work in Making Disciples – A Journey to Jesus.  Notice the 4 transitions below.  Each leads to the next stage in the journey of following Jesus. 

Stage One – The potential disciple begins to explore what a relationship with Jesus will look like

Stage Two – The Holy Spirit continues to guide the discipler and disciple on the ‘Journey to Jesus’

Stage Three – The disciple is involved in a period of intense preparation for Baptism

Stage Four – The disciple participates in the Lord’s Supper, is welcomed into the Church and continues a lifelong growth in faith and obedience.

If you would like the Coaching Guide that unpacks the process above, CLICK HERE and request the doc: Making Disciples – A Journey to Jesus 

How can you help people fully embrace the purpose, place, and power of baptism?

Every pastor and congregation has their unique views on baptism. In an effort to reconstruct what time and trends have deconstructed, here are 5 questions to consider:

  1. Who is baptism for?
  2. What should baptism mark?
  3. What preparation and instruction should disciples experience?
  4. What place does baptism play in our faith community?
  5. What areas do we need to address? 

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Leveraging AI to Coach Leaders in Ministry

Leveraging AI to Coach Leaders in Ministry

Full transparency – this blog was generated using Bard, Google’s AI (Artificial Intelligence) platform. When AI entered the internet it changed the Intellectual Property landscape overnight. Plagiarism was already suspect due to the accessibility of information on the internet, but AI has shot the trajectory of curated information into another galaxy.  

Should you not be concerned?

I tested AI in generating this blog and entered several topics to narrow my focus.  In each round I was able to zoom in more and more until I arrived at what I thought would be helpful information. Here is the progression I followed to arrive at my blog focus:

  • Positive applications of AI in coaching leaders in ministry
  • Applications for coaching pastors and church planters using AI
  • How can I coach church planters and missionaries using AI?
  • Which platforms are using AI to coach leaders in ministry?
  • Concerns for AI in coaching ministry leaders

I was then able to thoughtfully reflect on and curate the information to land on my topic: “Best practices to leverage AI when you coach leaders in ministry”. This was a tremendous advantage to facilitate my brainstorming process! 

Note: by “leaders in ministry”, I am casting the net broadly (small group leader, staff member, church planter, pastor – to name a few) and I will exchange the term “client” from time to time

There are also a number of concerns surrounding the use of AI when coaching leaders in ministry. Some of the concerns you should be aware of include:

  • Depersonalization: AI coaching platforms can sometimes feel impersonal and disconnected. This can be especially problematic for leaders in ministry, who often rely on close relationships with their mentors and coaches.
  • Lack of empathy: AI coaching platforms may not be able to provide the same level of empathy and understanding as a human coach. This is because AI systems are not able to fully understand the complex emotions and experiences of human beings.
  • Bias: AI systems can be biased, and this bias can be reflected in the coaching that they provide. For example, an AI system that is trained on a dataset of successful ministry leaders may be biased towards certain types of leaders or certain types of ministry contexts.
  • Accountability: It can be difficult to hold AI coaching platforms accountable for the results that they produce. This is because AI systems are often complex and opaque, and it can be difficult to understand how they make decisions.

In addition to these concerns, there are also some ethical concerns about the use of AI in coaching leaders in ministry. 

For example, some people are concerned that AI coaching platforms could be used to manipulate or control ministry leaders. Others are concerned that AI coaching platforms could be used to create a surveillance state in which leaders are constantly monitored and evaluated.

It is important to be aware of these concerns when considering using AI to coach your clients. It is also important to choose an AI coaching platform that is reputable and that has a good track record.

Five tips to leverage AI to coach leaders in ministry:

  1. Make sure that the AI coaching platform you choose is designed specifically for leaders in ministry. This will help to ensure that the platform is culturally competent and that it addresses the specific needs of your clients.
  2. Use the AI coaching platform in conjunction with other methods, such as mentoring and providing resources. This will help to ensure that your clients are receiving a well-rounded coaching experience.
  3. Be mindful of the limitations of AI. AI coaching platforms are not a replacement for human coaches. Make sure that your clients are aware of the limitations of AI and that they are still receiving the support they need from human coaches and mentors.
  4. Be transparent about how the AI coaching platform is using data. Make sure that your clients know what data is being collected about them and how that data is being used.
  5. Give clients control over their own coaching experience. Allow them to choose whether or not they want to use the AI coaching platform and allow them to set their own goals for coaching.

By following these tips, you can help to ensure that the use of AI in coaching your clients is ethical and effective.

Getting practical. 

Here are some specific examples of how you can use AI to coach leaders in ministry:

  • Use an AI-powered coaching platform to develop a personalized coaching plan for each of your clients. The coaching plan should be tailored to the individual needs of the small group leader, staff member, church planter, pastor – to name a few – and should address their specific goals and challenges.
  • Use an AI-powered ministry assessment tool to assess the strengths and weaknesses of each leader in ministry. The assessment results can be used to identify areas where your client needs to improve and to develop a coaching plan to address those areas.
  • Use an AI-powered simulation to create a realistic ministry scenario for each client to practice in. The simulation can be used to help the client develop their ministry skills and to learn from their mistakes in a safe environment.

Here are some additional tips for coaching leaders in ministry using AI:

  • Be intentional about how you use AI. AI is a powerful tool, but it is important to use it intentionally and thoughtfully. Make sure that you are using AI in a way that is helpful and supportive to your uniquely gifted clients.
  • Be mindful of the limitations of AI. AI is not perfect, and it is important to be mindful of its limitations. For example, AI-powered coaching platforms may not be able to provide the same level of personalized attention as a human coach.
  • Use AI in conjunction with other coaching methods. AI can be a valuable tool for coaching leaders in ministry, but it is important to use it in conjunction with other coaching methods, such as mentoring and providing resources.

Overall, AI is a promising tool for coaching leaders in ministry. By using AI thoughtfully and in conjunction with other coaching methodologies, you can help leaders of all kinds to be more effective in their ministries.

My first experience using AI to generate this blog content was impressive:

  • Reduced the amount of time spent in research and development by 80%.
  • Helped narrow my focus for sharper content without having to be a subject-expert on the particular topic (in this instance, using AI in coaching ministry leaders)
  • Allowed for more energy to be spent on how to say what I wanted to communicate

AI is here to stay. The choice is always in your hands. Choose carefully. Choose wisely. But choose – or else others will choose for you.

If you have insights you would like to share about your use of AI in coaching Christian leaders in ministry – please share them below or email me directly at greinecke@infocusnet.org.

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Is Coaching Always the Answer?

Is Coaching Always the Answer?

You heard it here… coaching is not always the best approach. There are times when, as a coach, you will need to switch hats in order to meet the needs of your clients. Let’s dive into the when and how.

When you have a problem with your car, you need a mechanic to diagnose and fix it. If you slice your finger, you need a doctor. When you need a ride to the airport, you call an Uber. Different needs require certain expertise.

The 5 Hats You’ll Wear as a Coach
The table below was shared by my friend Micah Dodson of www.thrivechurchplanting.org. I personally found the descriptions of each role helpful to distinguish one from the other. These roles can easily blur into each other, especially if you have a background in teaching, counseling or mentoring and are now adding coaching into your toolkit. A key point to being a new coach is to learn to be clear in your mind when you are functioning in a particular role, or it will confuse and potentially frustrate those you are attempting to help.

Each role has a specific function. Here are the functions along with the scripture reference. Look below and contemplate which ones you resonate with:

Counselor 

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. / Proverbs 13:20


Advisor

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. / Proverbs 13:20


Teacher

He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom,  so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. / Colossians 1:28


Mentor

 Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. / I Corinthians 11:1


Coach

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. / Proverbs 20:5

*All scripture passages from NIV

You Can Over-Coach

A classic problem I faced parenting my kids, I over-coached them. This surfaced when they were home as young adults during COVID. I was using questions to help them challenge them to “do something”.  My approach was making them suspicious of my intent. I was using key questions to help them come around and do something I wanted them to do, in the way I wanted them to do it. Manipulation is not the intent of coaching.  But that is how it came across. Fortunately, my family pointed this out and I became more aware of what I was doing.

This raises a few important questions that arise when I am training leaders in coaching:

  1. Is coaching always the best approach?
  2. What cues should we look for to determine when to use another approach?
  3. How to make the shift from one approach to another without confusing clients?

Is coaching always the best approach?

No, but I’ve found the more we can use a coach approach, the better.  Realistically, you can blend coaching into each of the other four roles above.  I view coaching on a continuum. One end of the continuum is Directive and the other end, Non-directive. The more Non-directive approach, the more likely we can help people discover for themselves. The goal is for the client to feel empowered to take action.  

Of course, when you play that out in each role, it becomes obvious when you need to stop asking questions. You need to learn to be aware of what the client needs at the moment! For example, if I take a bad fall on my mountain bike, I need to go to the ER. The only question I want to ask is – “Which way to the hospital?”

What cues should we look for to determine when to use another approach?

The simple answer is when it stops working; like in my example with my kids. At the peak of frustration, they gave me explicit feedback: “Just tell us what you want us to do!”  Below are some ques to look for when coaching so it doesn’t go this far:

  • Frustration – you are agitating your client more than helping
  • Silence – this can be a sign that your client really does not know what to do
  • Lack of follow-through; the client in not engaged

How to make the shift from one approach to another without confusing clients?

I’ve found that being clear with what role you are playing is respectful to the client – and critical for you. When it is murky in your mind personally,  it can be confusing or frustrating for the client.  For example, when a client comes to you for advice and you are operating as a coach, then you are going to approach the conversation differently than your client.  

For example, let’s assume you have been serving a client as a coach but you also have the capacity to switch into counselor mode. When you make the switch it is helpful to signal your client about the switch. This can be simply saying something like, “I’m taking off my coaching hat and now putting on my counselor hat.”  

This will have several benefits. First, it will reinforce the shift you are making. Second, it will communicate a shift in the tone of the conversation. Third, it has the potential to accelerate the conversation. The caution here is, only switch when it’s absolutely essential for the client to move forward.  

When the Hat Isn’t Your Size

I’ve found that, to some degree, most coaches can navigate through these 5 roles. That doesn’t mean that everyone is excellent at all 5. The key is to know when your client’s needs surpass the help that you can give them.

Assessing your roles

  1. What reflections do you have from the table above?
  2. Of the 5 passages, which one resonates with you most?
  3. As you reflect on the 5 roles above, which ones do you naturally gravitate to?
  4. When you are in coach mode, what other roles do you tend to lean towards?
  5. What can you do to stay in a coach mode when you’re in the role you typically operate? 

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Workplace Culture and Respect

Workplace Culture and Respect

“Hey, bro! What’s up my man?”

You might greet a buddy with a “What’s happening?” But is this an appropriate way for your staff to interact with their supervisor on your church staff?  

What is at play here?

Have you noticed a shift in how employees interact over the last 3-5 years? Respect is a really important quality in the workplace, but sometimes the culture of a church staff is so informal it can slide into that gray zone where everyone is subtly functioning as though they are all operating at the same level of influence. An intern should not be viewing their influence as a peer with the Executive or Lead Pastor. Why is that so important?

Reasons why demonstrating respect is important:

  1. Demonstrates honor in a relationship
  2. Reinforces values that strengthens team culture
  3. People feel safe when they understand their role, responsibilities and boundaries

What happens when relationships are not handled carefully?

Sloppy boundaries lead to sloppy work! The casual nature of a relationship might be misinterpreted and reflected in an employee’s work ethic and quality of work.

How did we arrive at this point?

To some degree, this falls along generational lines. Cultural influences like entertainment, politics and social media – to name a few – have influenced the way we interact in different spaces. The disruption of the last three years also has much to do with our informalities – specifically social isolation. People have spent so much time on screens versus real, genuine, face-to-face interactions, communicating in meaningful conversation, allowing for reading of social cues, discerning nuanced inflections, body posture, and observing and following cultural norms.

But I think it might go deeper than this…

“Look him/her in the eyes!”

Some skills I learned in the home that I grew-up in, when greeting people, included:

  • Look the person in the eyes when greeting someone
  • Offer a firm handshake
  • Speak clearly and loud enough to be heard
  • Make the conversation about the other person
  • Smile

Are these basic skills taught in the homes in which our young people are being raised? It might require some back-filling on your part, in addition to relevant orientation and training to shape or reinforce the culture you envision for your team – it is really up to you!

What do you want the culture of your team to look like?

Team norms (normalized behavior) are important to help people understand the expectations of being part of a team. Here is an example of a list of team norms (values + distinctives + standards of leadership) of a one-year-old team that I have been a part of at the Refinery Church – CLICK HERE.  Every Sunday morning as we gather to review and prepare for the service with approximately 30 volunteers, one person is asked to review 2-3 of the norms and select one to go a bit deeper. This has genuinely reinforced and normalized behaviors we expect from each other.

Reflection Questions to land on you team norms:

  1. What is important to us?
  2. What can we keep people accountable to?
  3. How will they be upheld?
  4. What are the consequences when a norm has been ignored or broken?
  5. Are these actual or preferred norms?

Following are resources to help you understand the distinctives of the various generations!

Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

Avoiding Burnout as a Leader

Avoiding Burnout as a Leader

The season of fall is a big focus for all churches. It sets the tone for the rest of the year. It’s a time to set vision, make clear goals, find a rhythm, and invigorate the community. It is often one of the busiest times of the year, and without careful planning it can lead to burnout. 

Burnout affects almost everyone in a leadership position at some point, often at multiple times during their ministry career. Many hard workers tend to shrug it off and attempt to push through periods of high stress, anxiety, and little rest. However, burnout can have serious ramifications. Prolonged stress and exhaustion can take a toll on your body, mind, and emotions. You are more prone to mistakes in your work and may judge yourself (and others) harshly. You can drive yourself to serious illness. Burnout will also eventually trickle into your personal life, affecting your relationships, sometimes even causing lasting damage. 

What you can do to prevent burnout:

In Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he suggests prioritizing what is important and unimportant, urgent and not urgent using four quadrants. 

  • Quadrant I. Urgent and important: Important deadlines and crises (Must do immediately)
  • Quadrant II. Not urgent but important – Long-term goals and plans (Prioritize next)
  • Quadrant III. Urgent but not important – Distractions with deadlines (Delegate or push back)
  • Quadrant IV. Not urgent and not important – Distractions (Eliminate from to-do list) 

While Quadrant I is full of deadlines and crises that must be dealt with immediately, most of our time should be focused on Quadrant II. This is the quadrant that looks to the future, prevents crises, and organizes what must be done. If enough attention is paid to Quadrant II, then crises (such as burnout) will become less common. As the old idiom reminds us, “The best defense is a good offense.”

Here are some tips for keeping your focus in Quadrant II:

  • Keep clear boundaries 
  • Have clear communication between staff
  • Take a weekly sabbath to rest and make time for activities that bring joy
  • Take care of physical health (eat well, sleep as needed, exercise)
  • Take care of emotional/mental health (check in on relationships and check in with self)
  • Prioritize urgent and important activities and let go what can be let go
  • Ask for help instead of taking on too much

Reflection questions to help you avoid burnout:

  1. Which Quadrant(s) are you in right now?  
  2. What triggers do you need to be aware of that suggest you are reaching your limit? 
  3. What practices do you need to maintain to stay in a healthy space? 
  4. What new practices do you need to adopt? 
  5. What habits do you need to break?
  6. How will you free up time and energy to focus on new initiatives?
  7. Who are the key people to remind you to keep healthy margins? 

See our Time Management Resources to leverage your most precious resource – time.  See below:

Photo by Elisa Ventur on Unsplash